Seen Not Heard

by Kearney

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about

this is an album about four people who need two divorces

CW: many flavors of abuse

credits

released March 11, 2017

words and guitar and keyboards and drums by kearney

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Kearney Vancouver, British Columbia

my name is evan, my band is Kearney, i am presently the sole member of the band but i am accepting online applications

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Track Name: You Never Call
dear Sarah
long time no talk
it's been five years since I wrote you a letter
and fifteen years since you learned how to walk

but I hope you know I love you just as much
as the day you were born
your father might disagree
but what does your father know anyway?

hope things are nice in Utah
hope they treat you real sweet
I know you get sad around Christmas time
but I hope that you stay light on your feet

and there's not much going on around here
the house is the same
and as for your father
the fumes finally got to his brain

heard last week from your sister
and I just had to laugh
she sent me a picture
would it kill you to smile in just one photograph?

you say that I never see you
you think that I hold a grudge
but I guarantee you
if you need someone to blame, blame the judge

wish I could talk for longer
but your father's catching wise
you know he's always been stronger
and now he's got that look in his eyes

so don't be a stranger
keep in touch
if you were really in danger
then I guess we haven't changed much
Track Name: Thank You For The Gas Mask
I look pretty like I ought to
you feel better when you're drunk
that night I swore I saw you
stuffing something in the trunk

I watched it wriggle free
it left a trail as it came toward me

it had plenty to say
and it said it well
then it went on its way
right back to hell

a crack formed in the parking lot
and the rest I guess I forgot

but I remember what you did to me
I remember everything vividly

I found pictures in the attic
by the books that it wrote
and I saw you start to panic
when it went for your throat

it stuck you in the gut
and it blew the door shut

then it looked right at me
and I could swear it knew
it gave me the key
and it turned back to you

as I walked down the stairs
I heard your screams echoing everywhere

and in our bedroom, I turn on a light
and I feel happy for the first time since that night
Track Name: Grab Your Cubans
found this rabbit on the sidewalk
by the Chevrolet
and his body's all torn up
but she wouldn't notice anyway

make plans for the coming
make plans for the worst of days
ignore all the warnings
let it play as it lays

found this cake out in the forest
by the heart that we carved
those we came before us
they ought've let their children starve

make her forget about last night
make her forget about the other ones
get the edges of the frame right
get it done

and in many years I'm sure she'll be gone
so swallow all your fears and turn the camera on

I take my coffee with a downer
to keep my balance right
I spilled it when you found her
playing with the lights

and I grabbed her by the wrist
and you yell at me to stop
why's it always come down to this
one victim and one good cop

you know where our money comes from?
you know why I can't fix the kitchen sink?
she'll get her star when she deserves one
so get me a drink
Track Name: Date Night
drove out farther than we had to
to the only place
that still rents videotapes

and I saw you looking at the same one
that I was looking at
imagine that

it had one hand bulging from the darkness
red like a firetruck
and your eyes were stuck on the

silhouette of a woman in the doorway
you can't make out her face
nut you recognize this place

and the idols that blink in their syncopated rhythm
all around the house, shoddily hidden
the basement door that beckons for your touch
that final bit of gore that's just too much

it all makes sense to us
down here

drove back, stopped at the Arco
no price tags on the wine
but our savings are fine so we

get as many as the hatchback can carry
and we toss her car seat on the ground
and take off at the speed of sound

night falls, blood boils
a single burning wreck
with two bodies left to check

and the tape in its shell unspools on the floor
we don't know how it got there
and we don't even care

about the people who say they know what's best for us
they've never even seen Cannibal Holocaust
and when the car seat comes back into view
we deck scrub that thing 'til it looks good as new

and that's good enough for you
Track Name: It's All For You
it's 5 AM
she's got that look in her eyes
she's alive again
all the colors in the sky

are bleeding through
the ceiling and they cast
around the room
a feeling that won't last

and have you noticed all the knives
missing from the kitchen drawer
have you noticed all the lines
scribbled on her bedroom floor

you can't say that I
don't know what I mean
I know what I've seen
and I know where she's been

crawling in the vents
tapping on the walls
making sure that if we run
we won't get far at all

we should've killed her
back when we had a chance
but instead we built her
a castle made of sand

where she can live
where she makes all the rules
where she can split
our precious love in two

and have you noticed how I shake
every time she comes near
have you noticed how she takes
every chance to disappear

you can't say that I
don't know what I mean
I know what I've seen
and I know where she's been

crying all the time
locked up in her room
all her fucking voodoo dolls
kicking in my womb
Track Name: Only Child
all those potions we brewed together
through dark nights and aberrant weather
the sacrifice on the kitchen floor
your eyes up at me, begging for more

and our daughter in the room upstairs
fast asleep so she won't get scared
you hate it when i talk about her
don't you

all the stars we spotted so bright
and the voice on the radio telling us to fight
and the moment we see coming from a mile away
panasonic in the corner turning night into day

her teacher says she's concerned
when will those people learn
that every single move we make
is just a calculated mistake
and you smear the blood on your chest
and we're both looking our best
no one knows me like
you do
Track Name: tahoe 2009 daphne age 4
one of these nights I'm gonna stand and watch
as all your teeth fall out
I'm gonna scoop them up, and drink the blood
and shove them right back into your mouth

and I know what you're thinking
I know that look
I can feel you shaking
I know what you took

you tried to hide the bottle, but it didn't really work
you told me adderall was your only little quirk

but you're lying
but you're lying

had a dream last afternoon and you were in it
she looked a lot like you at least
stared me down for a long, long minute
as the temperature decreased

and then she turned her back to me
and I heard her sigh
that's how I knew it was you
and I think you know why

she stuck her finger in my chest and she left it there
and I try to run my hand smooth through your hair

but you're crying
but you're crying

got out the projector, looked at the wall
saw the way we were together, I saw it all
you walked into the room, neither one of us could stand it
feels like the full moon always demands this

and you
sigh
and I
was right

your body's warm and it's cold on the floor
and I can't cum before you anymore

but I'm trying
but I'm trying
Track Name: Just Add Water
in this house that we've built
we make like we're catholic, just for the guilt
and we pray so loud
that we can't hear the moan of our namesake's cloud

when the snow that falls on the street
settles in a bright red sheet
I don't know what it means
but I know that you're changing

same old scene out on the boat
caught that trout, slit its throat
I looked away, but you watched it squirm
you were waiting your turn

when the wound healed in full
and he threw himself off of the hull
I didn't see anything
but i knew you were changing

in this pit we've decided to call our home
all the load-bearing walls are made out of bones
and the earthquakes hit every other night
so there's no point in putting up a fight

when the femurs all splinter and break
and the ceiling starts to shake
I hold you down like i promised i would
and you wanna believe that it's for your own good

but you
you see me changing
Track Name: Forensics
I got the blacklight
saw your prints on the doorknob
I got my facts right
heard the piano playing

real loud in the other room
but I could still hear you humming your safety tune
you are my sunshine
you are my sunshine

and what's that shape there
behind the curtain
you know it's not fair
when you tell them that you're

certain I'm gonna hurt you
when you know I'd never desert you
and I know where the cops live
and I know that you don't
Track Name: Speakeasy
you always said they'd come
that's why we had a plan
hide the gun
if you can

get out the board games
if you can find them
if they lay blame
get behind them

I'll give you the signal
and you'll give them the slip
you've always been good
with your fingertips

and if she walks in
say it's just a game
say they'll all walk out
just the same as they came in

you always said they'd take her
that's why we made a pact
if we flip the breaker
there is no going back

and in our dark
they will see how we live
on my mark
forget then forgive

when they reach the basement
we'll reach for the switch
these floors were built
on a bottomless ditch

and if she walks in
just keep her by the door
tell her no one will hurt her
anymore

and if they caught her
by surprise
we'd get ourselves a brand new daughter
one that can open and shut her eyes

we'll get out the knives
she hid in her room
we'll see if they bleed
like real pigs do

we'll leave one alive
so he can tell his friends
this is the house
where everything ends

where the grass all dies
before it even sprouts
there's not a drop of water
in this California drought

so board up the windows
lock all the doors
and wipe all that blood
off the floor

and If she walks in
Track Name: Dear Sarah
all the people in my life
who looked at me funny
all the people who bought Swisher Sweets
with my piggy bank money

and all the nights I spent in my room
wishing one of you would drop dead
just so the things I knew to be true
would start happening outside my head

and when the sun comes up
the sun stays up
and your letter's frozen over
from the cold

but I see your name
I remember your name
so I ball it up and I
swallow it whole

I think I grew up wrong

all the things I could say
to one or either of you
all the ways I could try
to get through

and all the time I've spent
wondering if you're worth it
good news
good news
good news
you deserve this

and then the sun came up
when I let it drop
and I could see my breath
for the first time

things are nice in Utah
the snow is warm in Utah
and you want kindness
well get in line

I think I grew up wrong
Track Name: People Who Look Like You
I wanna know what happens
when I close my eyes
are you still there sleeping next to me
with your mouth open wide

or are you bending backwards
and climbing on the walls
waiting for the driver
the driver always calls

and when he does
you ride
past the cornfields by the market
where our children used to hide

and then he stops
at the end of the gravel road
and he waits for you
while you go wherever you go

I wanna know what happens
when you open the door
do you stumble for a moment
or do you know what you're looking for

and how many versions of you
are you keeping in those tanks
which one kissed me goodnight
and which one is the blank

and if you knew
would you tell me the truth
and if you do
then i'm gonna follow you

all the way out to
that goddamned factory
because I know, if I'm alone
I can find the man who married me

and I will unhook all his tubes
and I will tend to all his wounds
I will sit with him in the fluid
that keeps him shiny and new

and I will do
what I do
to people who
look like you