This Is A Funny Song

by Kearney

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about

This Is A Funny Song was recorded live in front of an eager crowd of thousands, at Club 33 in Delilah, CA.

credits

released May 17, 2015

All sound effects courtesy of www.freesfx.co.uk

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Kearney Vancouver, British Columbia

my name is evan, my band is Kearney, i am presently the sole member of the band but i am accepting online applications

contact / help

Contact Kearney

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Track Name: Inter-Gender Wrestling Champions Of The World
We bought a black couch
Because you said
The white couch would stain too
Easily

But the black couch that rattles
Inside my head
Has precise coordinates of
White debris

There is no way out
No way in
No colors left
You win

Hold my head under the wa-a-aves
Open your veins on my gra-a-ve
They tell us we need to beha-a-ave
But darling, that's just not our way

You told me that hole behind
The bathroom door
Came highly recommended
By your contacts

But the ooze that keeps dripping
From its single gaping pore
Is burning through the floor
And no I won't relax

One last chance to tap out
If you care how I feel
I just wanna heal
But you always turn heel

Slap me around if you mu-u-ust
I'm used to your cold winter gu-u-ust
If I cared then you would be ju-u-ust
A person-shaped pile of dust

The moon is so bright
Every single night
Why should we fight
It doesn't seem right
You are who
Who are you
On our way to
Some seclu-
-ded rendezvous
Drinking cocktails
For two
Track Name: Generation Remix
Put down your phone as I speak to
All the weakness that befell you
Recall a time when men were men
And I'd say the rest, but I bet you'd have me
Lynched in the public square, for merely
Sharing my opinion and I
Can't abide this state of mind
Where no one feels like they need to die

Or try to change themselves
To be happy
Or lie about themselves
To be happy

Your values upheld
Will send us straight to hell
And your music is loud
And your movies can't tell
A coherent story
Without guns and sex and mayhem
And our generation
Knew how to treat women

You all think you know what's funny
Well, we invented irony
So maybe let us tell our jokes without
Offending your sensitivities
You all went soft and it makes me sick
You're all unemployed and I wonder why
A tight fifteen on chicks with dicks
And suddenly, I'm the bad guy

Well
I try
No
I don't wonder why

Your skin is just so thin
There's no way for us to win
Unless we give in
To the ultimate sin
The fault with our economy
It's pretty plain to see
Since America was founded
Back in 1993

I look around at all my peers
And I wish I were born before my time
The music I like you all laugh at
The music you like doesn't even rhyme
And all the girls at school don't care
Because they're busy fixing their hair
I lost the culture war, scorned
Before I was even born

And it's why I
Don't give a shit
Because you all
Still don't get it

I yearn for the days before
Civility took to the sea
My dad says it was better
And he wouldn't lie to me
It sounds like Nirvana
The myth, not the band
Have you heard of The Pixies?
Or are you one of them?
Track Name: Ballad For A Brave Hero (Nice Guy 2)
I build up all my roofs for you
I hide both our faces from clear view
I do what I do, to protect you
My knight in shining armor, coming through

And little do you know it's taking
Every part of me
Not to breach you
And let all that blood run free

You told me you were searching for
The beast in the dark
And you said that I'd be safe as long as
I held onto your arm

My reflection may appear
Clearer in your dream
But all must fear
I am not who I seem

I raised the drawbridge here for you
I did what I had to, to get you through
I ran down the halls and the torches went out
I couldn't wait to hear you shout

And I tell you that I'm hungry
And you suggest that I
Make you
Something to eat

My self-restraint restrains
I'm a real go-getter
You just liked how low this dress was cut
And for that you'll taste better

My reflection may appear
Clearer in your dream
But all must fear
I am not who I seem
Track Name: Takashi Miike Triple Feature
Brooklyn bound
Five o' clock
We won't make it home by midnight
Especially if we let ourselves talk

The scene is set
Everybody's dying
But the lights above our heads
Keep blinking, not shining

And so we were each other's keeper
Takashi Miike Triple Feature

Popcorn fills
Stomachs with no mercy
130 minutes per picture
Counterculture adversity

Your face against the dark
Like a layer of a painting
The brightest red reflects
On all the weakest fainting

And so we were each other's keeper
Takashi Miike Triple Feature

And we know we'll make it out of here
Dead or alive
Visitors keep inquiring
When we'll arrive
The auditions for the roles we play
Go on and on without us
While the man with the joker smile
Slithers about us

The lights come up
We talk all night
For once our future's looking
A little bright

Gone by sunrise
Fading into nightmares
All the other scum
Slinking back to their lairs

And so we were each other's keeper
Takashi Miike Triple Feature
Track Name: Keep Your Ruddy Hands Inboard
Imagine the both of us
Alone inside this room
Mirrors on both sides
All the lens flare and the bloom

Keep us apart
And give us reasons to stay put
They're cutting off my hand
And they're sawing off your foot

You keep talking in circles
That drift around the curves
It's so damn hard to track
But it's just what I deserve

If their love is Godzilla
Then baby ours is Gamera
If you're gonna cry then maybe
Do it towards the camera

Two more dead crewmen on our sinking ship
The strings swell so loudly we'd better flip the script
Abandon all hope ye who enters here
And turn off your flash, or you'll spoil the fear

All the people on the shore
Trying their best to eat
Heads down on their plates
Only hearing our defeat

And the skull that peers
From up above the cave
A dip into the dark
No one left to save

Fifteen thousand gold dubloons
Hugging us tight
A few thousand more
Reasons to fight

They ask us if we want our picture
Picked from the picture tree
Little do they know
It's the pirate's life for we

Two more dead crewmen on our sinking ship
The strings swell so loudly we'd better flip the script
Abandon all hope ye who enters here
And turn off your flash, or you'll spoil the fear
Track Name: The Furniture Will Be Here On Friday
Unexpected consequences
Of new postage stamps and rolodexes
You can't save yourself

Backroom brawls by the part of your neck
Where it meets your head, reflect
On all the time for deep breaths

No one told me I was wrong
Why did no one tell me I was wrong?
All the people in this city
Feel like shadows
I am never leaving this bed
No no no no no no no no no

Your gravestone sits on your old front lawn
You're too tired to talk, and too tired to yawn
This is your problem

Blink real fast, tell yourself it's true
This hotel room feels more like home than you ever do
And there's no garbage disposal

No one told me I was wrong
Why did no one tell me I was wrong?
All the people in this city
Feel like shadows
I am never leaving this bed
No no no no no no no no no

The bathroom mirror's bleeding
The refrigerator's leaking
The whole place is blinking twelve

The nights are long and the days are longer
You think by next month you'll feel stronger
Here's a toast to you

No one told me I was wrong
Why did no one tell me I was wrong?
All the people in this city
Feel like shadows
I am never leaving this bed
No no no no no no no no no
Track Name: Theme From Solitary
We are smarter than we seem
And the night may make us cold
But the night helps us dream

Hope is what's in your heart
The rest just lives before
The perfect music starts

You look away from me
And you sigh, and it stings
But I don't care

We don't need rhymes to keep us sane
We'll just wait until the train leaves the platform
Did you see which way?

La da da da da da
Da da da da da da
Da da da da da da daa
Track Name: Admitting We Have A Problem
Who are you?
Nobody seems to know
And isn't it just
That you'd steal the show?

I'm alone and you're alone
So we're alone together
If there's a breeze behind the curtain
Nobody can save her

When we walk
Late at night
I can feel all the branches
Reading our rights

Far too far to see
Much too hard to try
Too few many ways
To say goodbye

Hold my hand
Embrace me tight
Whatever we're called
Blocks out all light

We'll get up tomorrow
Yes oh yes we will
All of our sorrow
Can finally spill

They might think we're lazy
But we know better
The sun out there is crazy
And our skin keeps getting redder

Most of all, most of all
She won't understand
Best to shut her out
From all our plans

The path we're headed down
Is narrow and endless
There's room for two
But there's no room for your conscience

Hold my hand
Embrace me tight
Whatever we're called
Blocks out all light
Track Name: Her Mouth Says No But Her Eyes Say No
You don't talk to me anymore
You don't love me like you used to
You don't even care enough to keep up
Your storied streak of impeccable voodoo

You do to me
What I always abstain
And I'd stop but I can't stop
Protecting your wind from every open flame

I'm not sure anybody knows
Which way out this exit goes
And I'm not the kind of girl
Who'd tell you you're wrong in a song

You talk about your music every night
I can only assume you think that's alright
If you need me I'll be here out of focus
While you work that hocus pocus

Locusts always in my mouth
Rattle and hum and twist and shout
And don't let the door hit you on the way out
Here is my handle and here is my spout

I'm not sure anybody knows
Which way out this exit goes
And I'm not the kind of girl
Who'd tell you you're wrong in a song

And I'm not sure you know I'm awake
Listening to you every night

And I'm not sure you know how I break
Every time I lie and say you're right

And I don't know how much I can take
But I do know one thing you'd call trite
That I'm not the kind of girl
Who'd tell you you're wrong in a song
Track Name: Seven Minutes Of Silence Before The Bonus Track
So I guess you all think I'm a joke
And I don't have a ton of ammo in my gun
To prove that I'm not one

Make your mark and break
Because the bruise heals quickly
But the blood underneath stays hot and sticky

I wake up every morning
I don't want to wake up every morning
Or at least not most of them

I am so goddamned ugly, both inside and out
No one will ever love me
So just this once be honest with me

What do you think? What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?

What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?

(let it ring out)

Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha

Every time I lie I just keep getting better
It's the reason that I'm standing here
More chronic than ever

If I play my guitar like a mouth I'm feeding
Will you ever catch on to
The four chords I'm repeating?

All I want is for you not to hate me
Do you hate me?
Will that break me?

Why should you like me? I don't like me
I can't stand me
So why should you have to

Why am I still singing when I've got nothing to sing about?
Another lie on the pile
So toward the darkness I still shout

What do you think? What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?

What do you think?
What do you think?
What do you think?

(let it ring out)

Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha